i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
