home. puking in laundry basket.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
