i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
