are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
