Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
