Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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