This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
