You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
