He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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