apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
