i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
