Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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