I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
