I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
