I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
