If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
