Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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