you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
false alarm, still single
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
