Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
