He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
