I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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