I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
