so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
third nipple confirmed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
