note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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