I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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