i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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