$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
