i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
