Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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