i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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