can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
