you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
