Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I look better un-naked...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
