She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
