i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
