life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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