This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
