8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
