It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
