we have pet lesbian snakes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
