Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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