Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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