so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
