I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
