five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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