i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
