Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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