I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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