we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
