1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
