Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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