idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
