I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
