turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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