I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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