Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
don't judge my taste in strippers
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
