By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
