So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do vagina's smell?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
