I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
