summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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