just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
