Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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