i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
