I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
