Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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