You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
