i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Randomize
