Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
