I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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