I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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