Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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